So what was it like for you?

Woman lying down on her bed at home.

Can you remember what it felt like?

Recently I tried to write what might be classed as erotica, mainly driven by my desire to see if I could write something better, actually more accurately speaking, more realistic, than 50 Shades. The actual quality of the writing of those books has pretty much been done to death but it has also been jumped on in the BDSM community as not reflecting the reality of “the lifestyle”. So since I have done this weird stuff for 11 years now, partied hard and done it as part of a relationship as well, I figured I have a fair idea, so I sat down to write.

Simple story line, girl meets guy at party thrown by friends, both get hots for each other, he does bad things to her which she likes, a lot, some hot rough sex, he cuddles her afterwards, perhaps to be continued. Dialogue, easy, words I have said or heard others say in that sort of situation, technical detail nailed, after all I am a geeky Dom, love my toys and techniques. Settings the same so that just left the sex. And that is where it all went wrong.

I could write the scenes, write his thoughts and feelings but hers? It was as if I had suffered a complete lobotomy, I could not even begin to imagine what a woman actually experiences during sex. The play was fine, I am not shy about admitting I have tried most of the sensations and activities I inflict, for their pleasure, on others. But sex, suddenly I am a goldfish with a typewriter.

Now I know that emotions colour perceptions so that after the act memories get tinted, rose or otherwise, but can you actually remember what you physically felt and how that made you feel? Is sex like driving, there is little sensation, the physical becomes subconscious, an extension of your emotions and desires? Or, does it become an intricate dance where release is the crazed applause at the end? You can probably tell I am guessing here, right?

All suggestions gratefully received, either based on personal experience or pointers to the work of others you feel have answered this question.